Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Ways to find a wife according to the Old Testament

My College Pastor put this out, and thought it would be good to share.

14 Old Testament Ways to Get a Wife.
Most college students are constantly trying to look forward into their futures, its the nature of being in a transitional phase of life. The thing is, when you are looking into the future, you quickly realize that you desire someone to share that future with - a spouse. So now on the cusp of adulthood, most college campus’s become a major place for finding that future spouse. The whole process can be super exciting, gut-wrenching, and extremely painful all wrapped up together!
So…I figured I’d make it easier on everyone and just share 14 examples from the Old Testament on how to get a wife.
1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours. - (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
2. Find a prostitute and marry her. - (Hosea 1:1-3)
3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. - Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. - Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep.-Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)
7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman’s hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. - Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)
8. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law’s enemies and get his daughter for a wife -David (I Samuel 18:27)
9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you’ll definitely find someone. -Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)
10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. - Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, “I have seen a … woman; now get her for me.” If your parents question your decision, simply say, “Get her for me. She’s the one for me.” - Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
12. Kill any husband and take his wife. -David (2 Samuel 11)
13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. -Onana and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
14. Don’t be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. - Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)
There you go…now you don’t have to worry about that anymore! All that’s left is actually studying, passing, and graduating…


Shannon Kelly said...

I've always wondered about number 9...

Mike said...

You know what stuck out to me the most in your blog? No mention of flowers, rings, expensive dinners, ripped muscles, tall/dark/handsome or riches.

The Bible truly is the word of God